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Cake day: June 12th, 2023

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  • Serious answer, as someone who’s been through years of therapy.

    Pretty much everyone rich and powerful experienced intense trauma early in life. And one of the horrible ways our early childhood trauma plays itself out is by causi us to recreate it on younger generations. You don’t just wake up one day as a child molester. That shit was visited upon you in some fashion when you were a child.

    Our entire culture is based on generational trauma (strongly suggest you read the Myth of Normal by Gabor Mate).

    People who seek power and fame are almost all incredibly damaged from a very young age. Not necessarily an excuse, but if you want to stop the cycle you have to be able to step back far enough to see it.



  • First, IBC has had this as code for at least 15 years.

    The International Building Code (IBC) establishes minimum requirements for airborne and impact performance of multifamily buildings. The minimum code requirement is STC 50 and IIC 50. Since many factors can affect the transmission of sound in the field, including non-standardized source and receiver rooms as well as construction tolerances, a field measurement (ASTC or AIIC) of three to five points below the lab measurement is acceptable to meet code requirements.

    As the understanding increased of how STC and IIC ratings correlate with occupant comfort, the International Code Council (ICC) issued ICC G2-2010, “Guideline for Acoustics,” which established two additional levels of acoustical performance:

    acceptable, defined as STC 55 and IIC 55; and preferred amount of isolation as STC 60 and IIC 60

    Second, all the money is most definitely not in the land. As a general ballpark, developers want the land to be under 1/4 of the total cost of the project.






  • I used to feel the same way, but then I was standing in a (short) global entry line and I watched people breeze right by that. Found out they were just using the free CBP app. Felt a little cheated, honestly.

    Haven’t been doing as much international travel since second kid was born, so we didn’t get him global entry. Last trip we did I used the app instead. It was just as fast as global entry, possibly faster.

    The only real reason to get global entry again now is for tsa ore check, and there are easier and cheaper ways to get that.



  • Hard to say. My experience with people in general is that they’ll keep going even if things aren’t great, but they’ll get upset. And eventually things will come to a head and there’s a major change in a short period of time. This being a somewhat democratic platform, I would bet that we’ll have that sort of trajectory.

    As for donations, it’s just very hard to get people to donate enough and often enough to support this kind of thing. Think of the regular donation appeals on public radio, or Wikipedia, or even The Guardian. They have a whole organization and system built around soliciting donations, and even then they are always operating on a shoestring. How often do you donate? How often do your friends and family?


  • There’s no business platform here. So it will go a different path. Buy eventually the mods and instance admins who are volunteering their time and money to keep this going will wish to spend their time and money elsewhere. What happens after the first round of people who really work to make a free platform like this succeed go away? If there’s not a good deal of planning and acculturation for new people, there’s a high likelihood that a second generation of mods takes over who have different motives and reasons for running the place and the platform sees noticeable changes. Or nobody steps up at all and individual sections just end.




  • yacht_boy@lemmy.worldtoFediverse@lemmy.world*Permanently Deleted*
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    10 months ago

    Depends on how you define that. Literally none of the communities I was part of on reddit have a functioning equivalent here.

    Boston? Dozens of posts a day on reddit, maybe one a week here.

    Burning man? I don’t even know if there have been a dozen posts in the community here.

    Geology? Don’t think I’ve seen a single post.

    Communities for specific bands (I’m a jamband fan) exist here but have no are almost no content.

    And so on.

    I’m the kind of user who comments often but doesn’t post much. With no one here posting, there’s nothing for me to interact with.

    If you want echo chamber liberal political memes, obscure open source software discussions, or endless hentai, then lemmy is great. But it has no pull for people who want to participate in niche communities like mine. Hopefully it’ll happen, especially as reddit gets shittier and shittier, but even for people like me who desperately want to leave reddit and are willing to take a chance on a new platform, this is a tough sell.

    It’s going to take a few more digg type events to really get lemmy to pick up enough users to make the conversations in the small niche communities hit critical mass. Until then, lots of people will give it a try, then bounce.



  • yacht_boy@lemmy.worldtoAsklemmy@lemmy.ml*Permanently Deleted*
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    10 months ago

    I’m not an expert but my general understanding is that its unlikely you’d have both parents be narcissists. A true narcissist is too self absorbed to stay in a relationship with someone else who’s also that self absorbed. Narcissists tend to be in relationships with people who have opposite traits, highly empathetic and easily manipulated. Not saying it can’t happen but youtube isn’t necessarily the best diagnostic tool.

    If at all possible, I recommend you see if there are any counseling resources available to you at school or through your local government. Also recommend you read some actual books on the subject, not just get info from YouTube and the internet. Hopefully you live in a place with a public library. Many libraries have a way to check out ebooks and read them on a phone app, which may easier and more discreet.

    And I’d urge you to remember two things.

    First, it gets better. It can be hard to believe, and it can feel like forever, but it gets better.

    Second, narcissism is just another reaction to a traumatic childhood. No one is born a monster. They’re worthy of compassion, even if you can’t have a functional relationship with them.


  • Late 40s, from the US. My mom drove a manual so I learned on her car. Then my first car was an old VW Bug, and my next couple of cars were also manual.

    Now that I live in a city with soul crushing traffic and a completely broken public transit system, I drive an automatic. Driving a manual in stop and go traffic is just not fun. Plus, it’s gotten hard to even find a manual transmission anymore. But when we went on vacation to Costa Rica a few years ago they gave us a car with a stick shift and I had a blast bombing that thing around.


  • Sadly minivans are almost impossible to find. There are only 3-4 models remaining in production and they can have lead times as long as a year and dealers can add almost any markup they want. I’m hoping to eventually get a VW ID Buzz or Canoo electric van, but those are both seemingly infinitely delayed. And I can lease a 3 row suv for about $400/month.

    We can’t have a sedan because you can’t put a dog in the back, and no one makes station wagons anymore. So our choice is simply which length of SUV we get.


  • What’s missing from this discussion is that car interiors count, too, and shrinking car interior space is driven by safety systems.

    We drove a Toyota echo for years. That car had a surprising amount of interior space. But it was at the end of its life about the time we had our first kid, so we leased a new Honda CRV.

    The old CRV was a compact but capable family hauler. The new one is massive compared to the original version, but the interior space is still pretty minimal. We have 2 kids in car seats and strollers, and a dog.

    The CRV, as big as it is, couldn’t fit 3 car seats when we wanted to carpool with another family to day camp. It couldn’t hold all 4 of our family plus luggage and stroller and still have room for our medium sized dog on a trip to my in laws. It can barely hold a week’s worth of groceries and a stroller at the same time. And this is largely because of safety features. Huge pillars, crumple zones, oversized carseats, airbags, etc. A secondary consideration is body shape driven by wind tunnel testing that massively improves efficiency but cuts down on interior space. I’m all for safer, more efficient cars but they are not without tradeoffs.

    So now our lease is up. We’re shopping for a car I consider ridiculously big, with three rows of seating. But it will have room for us to car pool with friends kids. It will allow us to take our dog on vacation with us. And that’s what’s driving our decision to get a larger car, not some “love affair “ with big cars or a misguided government policy. When the kids are grown I look forward to getting a small cat again. Until then, we’re buying based on interior space.